An RSVP form is the one part of your wedding website that every guest fills in. That makes it tempting to ask everything at once. But each extra question makes the form longer on a phone, and long forms get left for later. The better approach is to ask only what someone will actually use, and to word each question so it is answered correctly the first time.
This guide sorts RSVP questions by who needs the answer, lists the ones to skip, and gives wording you can copy in a formal or a relaxed tone.
The two questions every RSVP needs
Every reply form starts with the same two questions:
- Will you be there? A clear yes or no, with the guest's name.
- How many people are in your reply? The number of seats this reply covers, ideally with the names of everyone included.
Everything else is optional. If your dinner is a buffet, your venue is local and you have no extra events, these two may be all you need.
Make the second question match your invitation. If you invited "Sam and Alex", the form should not suggest that Sam can bring three more people. Many forms let you set a maximum per reply; if yours does not, the invitation wording has to make it clear.
Questions by who needs the answer
Before you add a question, ask who will use the answer and by when. If nobody will, leave it out.
| Question | Who needs the answer | When they need it | Example wording |
|---|---|---|---|
| Meal choice | Caterer | With the final numbers | "Please choose your main course: beef, fish or vegetarian." |
| Allergies and dietary needs | Caterer | With the final numbers | "Do you have any allergies or dietary needs we should share with our caterer?" |
| Names of everyone in the reply | You, for the seating plan and place cards | Before you make the seating plan | "Please list the names of everyone attending, as you would like them on place cards." |
| Children attending, and their ages | Caterer and venue (kids' meals, high chairs) | With the final numbers | "Will any children be with you? If so, how old are they?" |
| Accessibility needs | Venue | A few weeks before | "Is there anything that would make the day easier for you, such as step-free access or a seat near the exit?" |
| Shuttle or transport | Transport company | Usually earlier than the caterer | "Would you like a seat on the shuttle from the hotel?" |
| Attending other events | Whoever hosts the welcome drinks or brunch | Before that event's own deadline | "Will you join us for brunch on Sunday morning?" |
| Song request | DJ or band | A week or two before | "Which song will get you on the dance floor?" |
| Email or phone for updates | You | Before the day | "Where can we reach you if plans change?" |
Two notes on this table:
- Meal choices belong on the reply. The Emily Post Institute suggests that when guests choose their main course, the response card (or the online reply) is the place to ask, so the caterer gets one complete list. If guests reply online, the printed reply card only needs the address and the date; see how to put your wedding website on the invitation, and for a code guests can scan, QR codes for wedding RSVPs.
- Check your contracts for the dates. The "when they need it" column depends on your caterer, venue and transport company. Our guide to choosing the RSVP deadline shows how to work backwards from those dates.
Questions to skip, and why
Some questions appear on many RSVP forms but cause more trouble than they solve:
- "Will you bring a guest?" when you have not invited one. The question itself suggests guests may add someone. Name who is invited on the invitation instead.
- Anything about gifts. Registry details go on the website; asking about gifts on the reply feels transactional.
- Long open questions. "Tell us a favorite memory of us" is lovely, but many guests will put the form aside to think about it. Make it optional, or move it to a guestbook.
- Questions you will not act on. If you will not change the menu, do not ask for menu preferences beyond allergies.
- Your full address list. If you need mailing addresses for thank-you cards, ask for them separately and privately, not on a public form.
- Repeating questions from the invitation. If the dress code is on the website, do not ask guests to confirm they have read it.
A good test: read your form on your phone, from top to bottom. If it takes more than a minute to fill in, it is too long.
Ready-to-use wording
Pick one tone and use it for every question. Mixing a formal opening with a jokey song question reads oddly. Our wedding website wording guide has more examples for the rest of the site.
Formal
- "Kindly reply by May 15, 2027."
- "Will you attend? Joyfully accepts / Regretfully declines"
- "Please indicate your choice of main course."
- "Please let us know of any allergies or dietary requirements."
- "Kindly list the names of all guests attending."
Relaxed
- "Let us know by May 15, 2027!"
- "Can you make it? Wouldn't miss it / Sadly can't"
- "What would you like for dinner?"
- "Anything you can't eat? Tell us and we'll tell the kitchen."
- "Who's coming with you?"
Write the reply-by date in full, with the month as a word, so guests in other countries read it the same way.
Required or optional?
Make a question required only when you cannot finish your planning without it. Meal choice for a plated dinner usually qualifies; a song request never does.
Some answers only matter for guests who are coming. A guest who says no should not have to choose a main course. Most good forms show the extra questions only after a guest accepts; check this when you test your form.
Optional free-text questions, like dietary needs, work best with a hint of what you are asking for, such as "e.g. vegetarian, nut allergy". Guests then write useful answers instead of "no".
After the deadline: use the answers
Collecting answers is half the job. The other half is getting them to the right people:
- Download your replies as a spreadsheet the day after your deadline.
- Count meals and dietary needs and send them to your caterer in the format they ask for.
- Send transport and event counts to whoever needs them.
- Contact guests who have not replied with a short personal message. A phone call works well for the last few; see what to do when guests don't RSVP for messages you can send.
- Mark meal choices on place cards with a small symbol, so servers know who ordered what. Guests often forget their own choice by the evening.
Late replies happen. Etiquette guides, including the Emily Post Institute, are clear that replying on time is the guest's duty, but in practice a friendly reminder is part of every wedding.
Setting up RSVP questions on our wedding websites
Every one of our designs has an RSVP page. The form always asks for the guest's name, whether they are coming and how many people are in their reply, with room for the names of the others. Guests can also leave an email address and a message, which you can make required. You can add up to 10 questions of your own: a choice from a list, a short or long answer, yes or no, or a number. You decide which ones are required, and the extra questions only appear for guests who accept. Replies arrive in your panel, where you can download them as Excel or CSV. See the features, or open the Olive & Ivory demo and try its reply form. For the full set-up, read how to make a wedding website on your phone.
FAQ
How many RSVP questions should a wedding have?
Most weddings need four or five questions in total, including whether the guest is coming and how many people are in their reply. Add a meal choice for a plated dinner and a dietary question for the caterer. Every question beyond that should have someone who will use the answer.
Should I ask for allergies on the RSVP?
Yes. Your caterer needs allergies and dietary needs together with the final numbers, and the reply form is the one place every guest fills in. Make it an optional free-text question with a short hint, and pass the answers to your caterer exactly as written.
Can I ask different questions to different guests?
Some platforms let you show a question only to certain guests, for example a rehearsal dinner question for the wedding party. If yours does not, invite those guests to the extra event separately and ask them there, so other guests are not confused by an event they are not invited to.
What should the RSVP say if plus-ones are not invited?
Do not ask the question at all. Address the invitation to exactly the people invited, and let the form ask how many people are in the reply, limited to that number if your platform allows. If a guest asks to bring someone, answer them personally.